can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
