Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
