get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
