If that was your dad, he is hot
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
