I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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