my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
