why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
it's like iHOP with fire
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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