I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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