love makes seman taste better
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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