i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
