i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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