oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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