I'm jealous of your bromance
i just sent this text using only my big toe
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
