does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
