I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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