Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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