But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
