How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
