SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize