a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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