guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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