im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
