He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
