Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
