oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
