I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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