I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
