Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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