go do what you do best...puke behind churches
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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