I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
my liver is dry heaving
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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