I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
