..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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