I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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