I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
