does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
