The maid of honor just puked.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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