His pubic hair was longer than his dick
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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