It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
