I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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