If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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