Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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