i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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