Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
