Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
