she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
