Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
