I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
