Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
