Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
