only if we run a train.
done.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize