Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
