You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
