I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
