You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
