singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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