When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She said her name was "party"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
