Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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