There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
