Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
